Well I have not blogged in about hmmm let's see 1, 2 no if that is counted, it will be 3… like ever. If you ask me why now, I don't know. No specific reasons to do stuff except no money, no day work, no salary and settled and happy, no excitement in life I mean they are the same but still. I kind of have a feeling that the next few years are going to be a roller coaster ride, ahem. So I am kind of enjoying this long plateau in my life right now. This blog is not about me or my life. No no no its definitely not about tamil movie reviews.
The blog is about an interesting morning. Have you ever felt that the ghosts of guilt of your past deeds haunt you more in the very early morning if you are awake? It was terrible I had to face it one day, I mean I have seen movies where the guilty person tries to forget his mistake and move on but eventually if confronted with his mistake and the punishment he deserves is issues. Scary movies especially if you could relate to that guy. I mean I never ever have truly set an alarm before 7 AM, not in my most optimistic self, but I could wake up and notice that it was not even 7 AM and I was surprised to see my alarm ringing, but even amidst my deep sleep I had the clear mind to notice that the sound my cell phone was alarming at is not actually my alarm tone, well then it has to be a call but such early in the morning I don't even have friends who will think of waking up that early. Okay I thought then it has to be one of those bank people who think just because they are working hard in this selling through phone business and had a really lucky sperm inside them will one day become chris gardner. I thought I will just ignore and continue with my sleep, but the sound was so irritating that I decided to get up and attend the call.
I did not have a look at the number as my eyes were trying to fix the focal length and exposure and my other hand was rubbing it and constantly resetting it. I answered choool. This is the general gesture we do when we our roommates see each other, weird why did I say that on the phone, I don't know. May be I expected someone without the door key to be standing out of the door asking me to open up or am I being asked for the red colored flower decorated pillow which is not mine. Now starts the weird part, a middle aged lady in a very measured tone says it is not looking good today and people will definitely learn their lesson. I don't believe in angels, Aladdin or even in fairies like snow white, but I know that in my other religion it is believed that every person has an angel whom he can talk to, to evaluate how righteous he has been in his life and suggestions. I carefully thought for about 5 second and said Holy crap. Do I believe that my angel is warning me or asking me to face my guilt? Shit no. I just cut the call, threw my cell phone back on the bean bag as if I did not hear anything and I was set to go back to sleep.
The next second it just started raining. YES I was inside my house and it just started raining, for 1 sec I could not gather my sanity and I started to doubt my sane self and I had to go check on vv who is sleeping inside the room and no rain, no water nothing but did not feel like standing there for one more second because of the smell. I looked around to see my laundry bag to the left, well at least you could thread a logic for the smell but the rain?. The point is VV was sleeping like a hard worker as normal as it gets. I just could not understand as I have based my entire life on logic and I don't actually believe in magic or things which are illogical. I was looking down at the floor and there was water everywhere. Am I dreaming, I don't know? How do I find out, pinching is not a valid technique as I could feel rain in my dream which is not in reality, I could feel pain in my dream as well. Well I thought of running away from all this, running away in search of clear blue blue skies, but I was not sure how long to run before I find the place which is like dry tequila. The rain finally stopped. I was stunned to say the least, first the lady and then this and I don't know for sure whether I was awake or sleeping.
I have seen in some Tamil movies when a character is exposed to a shock or when his past haunts him there is a semi transparent image of him and some hard rain and wind in the background. I started to believe that may be this is the day, may be this is my judgment day. May be I was dead and I will be running though my past quickly to refresh my mind before I am presented to the Lord himself, so that I could know what I am being accused of. Yes that is exactly what it is, I could smell the chicken I cooked yesterday, I know that smell very well. I looked into the dish, they were not fresh, it was all rotten and it was giving out foul smell that I just could not bear, I had to close my nose and I did not bother breathing for few minutes. Everything was so abstract and I was feeling really guilty not because of the chicken I ended up killing but there is something else, may be GOD was trying to convey something or I am being confronted with something. May be this is the start of the realization. If it was for the chickens, I can understand now if I am asked to jump into a large pan of oil and Yeman assistants fries me till golden brown in medium heat.
A Heavy breeze of hot air, really hot air blew me across and all I could do is just tuck in my bed sheet around me and wait for it to stop, I could not see the source from where it is coming, At this point all I can do is plead guilty to GOD and pray for his forgiveness to whatever that I am feeling guilty about and only if there is another chance… I think this irritated the GOD and after all these years of influence of movies on me, it was easy to picturize Sivan's RudraThandavam in front of me, he was dancing to a very horrifying tune of metal clanging with each other. It was really loud that I could not help but close my years and bend down on my knees with tears in my eyes crying out loud. After about few minutes the sound stopped and then there was complete silence, which was also very scary because of the anticipation of something big to come. Every freaking horror movie follows this style. Right coming back to the fix I was in.
After about a while I felt no fear, I was expecting just about anything and the most important thing in me was I did not feel guilty. No not anymore. What happened? Did I face my guilt and defeated it? Well what was my guilt and how did I defeat it. I felt things were coming back to normal and I could feel life in me again. That was the time I heard. "koncham enthirikiriya pa". I realized I was sleeping and woke up quickly and picked up my mobile and saw few calls to reach me which were unanswered. I looked at the time and it was 10:00 and kranthi was watching CNN-IBN and the same lady voice I heard was discussing about the market which is not doing good. I then turned around to see fund in his iron box steaming away most of the electricity than using it, and looked at the floor and saw few water droplets and realized fund does his fluffing of hair after taking bath. Had a look at the kitchen and saw the utensils clean and the dustbin had the chicken I cooked yesterday which smelt foul as it always does days after I cook them. The jigsaw was forming a shape, the guilt I felt was the fact that I am being irresponsible sleeping in the time I should be getting ready for office and the thing which made me sleep that long is the chicken I ate last night. I was like!!!!!! I did it kinds. I stopped my bike, no wait I did not have any bike at that point. That's a quote I liked and just picked it up, Nevertheless I really did it; I don't feel guilty of waking up late and working for home anymore. I faced my guilt and overcame it and how many men could actually do it. I could see fund rushing to his helmet thinking about his boss, thinking about his work and ofcourse thinking about dinner as well and praneeth and others have already left, I guess they just could not withstand the pressure created by this guilt. Is there no one else??? IS THERE NO ONE ELSE ???
I heard a voice. Oppice poreya mama … Nan work from home podalam nu nenaikiren mama. Thank G.O.D ( irony ).
Disclaimer:
This blog is purely intended to be for fun and for nothing else. The blog is named undikol to be a spoof of other blogs I read so just don't take anything personal.
